Are you gruff because there is pure evidence to support your grievance or are you gruff because of your perception that you have carefully curated validates an unmet need?
Maybe it's fulfilling a need to have all of the answers here - right now - in black and white. Not allowing for the unknown or echos of vulnerability that just might lead to a better outcome.
Maybe it's fulfilling a need for energy release. Control, decorum and pretense has given way to quiet rage, indignation and steam. Instead of a real time letting go. Deep multi layered relaxation across every process, system and corner of ourselves.
Maybe it's the clanging of anothers' agenda entering your space boldy. It helps you to question your confidently set plans anew. Flexibility, adaptability and not having all the answers help to allow what needs to emerge, well, just emerge.
Gruffness might have a place. But so does vulnerability, relaxation and adaptability.